What bedrest means to me

Tomorrow is the BIG MOVE! Made possible by countless people who have given their time, talents, sweat, food, love and friendship to us during these past months and in particular in the past week and a half.

After the move, when pre-move-in to-do lists and reminders aren't spinning through my brain, I think I will have time to consider this bedrest predicament the Lord has put me in, and what this means to me. In the mean time, all I have to say is these are the Facts About Betsy (before she got stuck on bedrest in the middle of finishing construction on her house and packing for the big move):
1) I have a phobia of inconveniencing people - a fear which isn't conducive to asking for or accepting help.
2) This is connected semi-consciously to feeling a need to compensate for people who I've seen callously inconveniencing others right and left - I'm sure unaware of it. I think I just have a giant fear of being one of those people. I want to have friends, not servants. I want them to be refreshed by my presence, not wrung out and hung to dry til needed again.
3) I avoid asking for help at nearly all costs and if it's offered I prefer to politely decline, even if I really need it.
4) I feel incredibly awkward when being helped/served and prefer to work along side if help must be accepted. (Note: bedrest has made even this impossible!)
5) Any attempt at requesting help that is met with rejection, annoyance or anything other that positivity is chalked up as another reason to avoid needing help in the future. - I happen to remember these instances quite vividly and they have framed themselves prominently in the chapter of my brain called Why I Prefer To Be Self-Sufficient - unless it's Mark, from whom I willingly and happily accept help.
6) We recently watched a movie called The Edge. It starred Anthony Hopkins in the Alaskan wilderness waiting for rescue. His character says: "Most people lost in the wild die of shame. They didn't do the one thing that could save their lives-- thinking."
That stuck in my head; well, more the concept than anything else. Little did I know I'd be in my own wilderness soon enough.
Tangent: I'm no movie reviewer, but I have to say, I could have told you the whole movie from the first second it started. Yes, it was that predictable. Having said that, it probably still wasn't a good choice for a pregnant woman who needed less stress in her life (though we didn't know to what extent at the time).

Well, I can only guess this is the Lord's master plan. I whine, I stress, but when it boils down, I have to just point to the Big Guy and give him a wry smile because I know exactly what He's up to in the midst of all this, and that is this: trying to make me holy, if I just let him. We're not called "the Body of Christ" because it sounds cool, and I guess I just need to learn to live that reality. So, I guess I should give it all up. And I'm trying to. I have been asking for help - and help has been given, and I am overcome with gratitude for it, perhaps to a ridiculous extent because I am continuously surprised by people's generosity and joy in helping me! But even so that hasn't changed me, yet.

Perhaps it is I who have a great distaste for being inconvenienced? Now there's a thought.

Do you suppose it was a coincidence that this week marked 40 days until I'm ok with Baby arriving (37 wks). Biblical, anyone?