Sunday, March 4, 2012

Feelin' Dangerously Snarky

Dear HHS,

I've got a couple preventative measures to add to your agenda:

1) Block the sun! Everyone knows it causes cancer. I propose you issue a mandate to construct a transcontinental shade-structure that blocks all sunlight. If people *REALLY* want sunshine, they could of course pull back a bit of the structure for *limited* amount of time, maybe once or twice in their life.

2) Stomach bags. You know I really can't control myself, and why should I?! Everyone knows how good chocolate is, but I don't want to get fat and risk diabetes. It would be awesome if you could mandate free stomach bags, [to swallow and remove later] so I could eat whatever I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want. After all, it's my right to be free from obesity and related diseases!

Thank you for considering these freedom-enhancing measures. I can't wait to live life the way I have a right to live it - free from cancer and obesity. Oh Yeah! No one can say "No" to that!

(...except those freaks who think everyone should practice self control be forced to be 800 pounds and covered in melanoma. They don't know what free-livin' is!)


A Concerned Citizen

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