Go, and vent no more

From one fallen human being to another, let me tell you, this post has been a long time in coming and I'll be the first one to admit that it's still something of a challenge for me.

For all my young adult years, until the recent past, I've been a "venter." In other words, if something/someone was bothering me, whoever I was close to with an ear to listen was going to get the full story about just how I'd been the victim of some great injustice. I'm sure my husband still gets his fair share of this from me, but even with him, the person I am most comfortable with in all the world, I am trying to be more virtuous.

It wasn't until I moved to St Paul and heard it mentioned that a particular formation talk was on speech and particularly not venting, even to one's spouse, that I even considered that perhaps this was...sinful. "WHAT?" I thought. What's wrong with voicing a bit of frustration?! Needless to say, rather than the correct response of trying to let that wisdom sink in, I simply decided that I must not have much in common with this person (yes, instead of seeking holiness, I just stuck my head in the sand...and probably vented to my husband about it...except that if I had done that, he would have lovingly corrected me 'cause he's that awesome!)

4 years and lots of percolation later, I have slowly taken to heart why venting is never helpful and is, in fact, sinful. Here are a few of the reasons:

-It doesn't solve the problem or even seek resolution

-It shuts you off from the possibility that you may be partly at fault

-It feeds pride and squashes growth in humility.

-It is gossip at best and probably slander

-It doesn't move toward or seek out love

If you're anything like me, you may be sitting here wondering, well how on earth am I supposed to process anything if I can't talk about it?! I agree, for women, it can be very helpful to process things. I do feel like there can be an intentional difference between processing and venting. Here's what I think appropriate processing should include:

-Compassion for any others involved in the situation (ie, the person(s) that offended you). And no, the line "I love so-and-so, but...." doesn't count as REAL compassion; how many times have I used that line?!!

-Assuming the best of the other person(s)

--(note: if this clearly isn't an option, at least giving the benefit of the doubt that they are a) too wounded or b) too ignorant to know better, in which case, see the first point)

-Honestly and objectively analyzing your own conduct and determining if/where you were at fault

-Having recognized your weakness, choose to work on that area and, if necessary, apologize for your behavior and choose to forgive the other person(s) regardless of their recognition/admission of fault.

If we can't choose love, choose forgiveness and have the humility to recognize and admit our weaknesses, than how can we call ourselves followers of Christ; who are we imitating?

So, again, I am a WORK IN PROGRESS. But I do think I have seen the light in this area. Please hold me accountable; my humility thanks you.

Unpacking the Roller Coaster

Faff, faff, faff. I don't even know if I'm spelling that right, but it's my acknowledgement of exactly what I'm doing with my time right now: faffing. Sometimes it sounds like piano music (although I give myself partial credit b/c I usually play/sing praise and worship songs), sometimes it's catching up on my blog-reading, sometimes it's schmoozing around on Facebook, sometimes it's just watching the leaves fall off the tree across the street. Right now, it's updating my blog.

The roller coaster is the prime analogy used for the weight gain and loss associated with pregnancy, seconded perhaps by the yo-yo, but that one really belongs to the dieters of the world.

-Roller coasters are exciting; so is pregnancy

-Roller coasters are often repeated; so is pregnancy

-Roller coasters make you brace as you climb; so does pregnancy weight gain

-Roller coasters are a thrill as you speed down; so is, uh post-partum weight loss

-Roller coaster riders often want to repeat that experience as soon as possible; um, not usually so much.

Well there you have the analogy falling apart as all analogies must.

5 months ago, Lydia was 8 months old and, due to her lack of interest in eating and my lack of interest in pureeing-to-death any/all food for her, was just entering the world of finger food, having been nursed 100% up until then. I was also, as a result of all that good milk-producing calorie-burning, at my wedding weight. It was pretty awesome and I was relishing every second of it.

Fast forward 5 months. Lydia is 100% weaned. I am pregnant. I am also 15 pounds heavier than I was in that dreamy time of life, 5 months ago. Ugh.

I had high hopes THIS time I might looke "cute" during my pregnancy and not morph instantaneously into a swollen puffball. Well, thanks to the following, I'm afraid that hope is dying fast:

-weaning a baby (and therefore not burning those calories)

-throwing out my back the same week I discovered little Sticker's existance and therefore restricting my activity

-a separation-anxious 1 yr old who screams in childcare when I go to the gym; not much motivation to go, let me tell you! (esp. when they ask me to rescue her after 20 min)

-nauseousness which was only relieved by eating - first 10 lbs piled on in 2 weeks

-threw my back out AGAIN - stuck on the couch this time; definitely not working out now

-intestines that rebel at the first sign of fiber, dairy or fat. Needless to the say, the BRAT diet isn't low on the glycemic index and I'm already prone to blood sugar levels that drop like lead.

And so, here I am, 11 weeks along and up 15 pounds. I did finally get back to the gym today. I can't do much except walk which, while good for my back isn't going to get me back in shape anytime soon (I can't risk raising my heartrate too high on account of being pregnant). I also don't want to overdo it and exercise myself right into bedrest. Lydia fussed through childcare and apparently had to be held the entire time.

So, any and all of you who temporarily (I hope) hated me for being able to fit into size 4 jeans a mere 5 months ago, will probably be happy to know that those days are but a happy memory. The train I'm on is speeding towards the town of back rolls, muffin tops, stretch marks, thunder thighs and cankles. Goodbye bone structure; I hope to see you again in roughly 14 months.

But, God willing, in 29+/- wks I will meet my little Baby Sticker who makes it all more than worth it!

It all fell into place

"Motherhood is a blue collar job."

When I read that line, suddenly everything made sense. Both the things that I love and the things that I dread about being a homemaker/mommy are all wrapped up in that sentence. For clarification, I take "blue collar" to mean skilled tradesman (with the distinct possibility of being disregarded and/or underappreciated.)

Motherhood (by which I mean homemaker as well) is all about trades. And art forms. And trades as art forms. And LOTS of manual labor.

My husband is a magnificent man and a diligent, capable, hard worker. I am also blessed that he has the privilege of occasionally working from home. On occasion, when he is home, his appearance may be this: comfortably semi-reclined. Granted, he's generally dressed in business-casual and typing furiously away on his laptop and/or on the phone, but nevertheless, all 200+ lbs., 6.5 ft of him are propped nicely on a pillow or two. All this while I, the weaker (and pregnant) sex, am lugging loads of laundry up and down stairs, unloading groceries, mowing the lawn (that is my preference, btw), scrubbing floors/toilets/showers, and hefting 20-30 lb children around (not while mowing the lawn).

On days when I stop and consider this situation, it's hard not to laugh. Those are also usually the days when I tell my husband that he should quit his job and be a stay-at-home-dad and I'll go to work. It seems to make so much more sense, physically. (Except that my profession is nursing and I don't know a single nurse who will tell you that's not physical - but that's also because I guess it's more of a blue collar job. Go figure. In that sense, I shot myself in the foot with that career choice.)

But then there are the art forms of my chosen vocation (back to motherhood here) - the emotional/spiritual care and training of my children, cooking (generally a chore, but with all this practice I'm improving and with improvement comes increased satisfaction and joy), making my home beautiful, how to shop and beat the dollar to a pulp, wringing water from a stone (ie, making money/goods/services appear from thin air - or for the cost of a couple postage stamps).

And there are things available to me that will enhance our family's life together that I haven't yet tried in earnest: vegetable gardening, flower gardens, sewing, baking, freezing/canning, etc.

It's all just so beautiful, isn't it?

Until I wake up in the morning, desperately needing a) more sleep and b) my coffee, but I can't have either because all I hear is "NO, NEED MOMMY!" and all I smell is wet diaper in my face. And that's when I find myself in the trenches of the not-so-esteem-able aspects of my blue collar job. It's not glamorous, it's often not appreciated, especially by those who most benefit from my work (not you Mark; you're wonderful!) but it's got to be done and I'm the only one who's going to do it, so I'm going to try to give it my all for yet another day.

"Mark, would you like another pillow?" ;)

It's one of those days

Iain has reached that age. I'm not sure what age I'm referring to, but whatever it is, he seems to have arrived. Here's the running tally for today (and I was actually in the same room for most of these!):

- "wassing disses" at the kitchen sink (a wet but generally harmless favorite past time of his). This morning it apparently required 200+ coffee filters, which I discovered in a sopping heap (thankfully in the sink.)

- Drank and spit out an entire sippy cup of water onto the living room sofa, only discovered by me when I sat down on the wet spot and saw the empty sippy cup on the floor.

- Stripped himself naked during his nap. Thankfully, his crib appears to be unharmed.

-Somehow silently broke open a glass bottle of capers, giving him a nice briney puddle to play in and a snack for Lydia. Thank you Jesus for keeping the glass in 3 large pieces. It doesn't appear like anyone consumed anything harmful.

- Grabbed a stick of butter that I had set on the counter to defrost, unwrapped the top and was found by me in the living room, hiding behind the couch, eating fingerfulls of butter. Did I mention he's allergic? yum.

Any surprise that I walked into the bedroom, where Mark was working from home, and asked if he'd be interested in switching to stay-at-home-dad while I went to work? :)

Fortunately for all involved, I can generally keep my head on straight enough these days to realize that as crazy as these things seem, especially when they follow one after another, they are also what memories are made of. Where would be the great stories, if I didn't have days of wasted coffee filters, wet couches, naked toddlers, capers for snack followed by butter for dessert. Honestly, I love my life. I am very blessed to be able to stay home, raise our children and make our home homey. (On the other hand, it is surprisingly accurate to say that Mark could quit his job, stay home with the kids, I could work three 12-hour days a week as a nurse giving us 4 days a week as a family, and I'd make at least 1.5x what Mark does. Well, there you have it. So, when I'm asked what I do, I can honestly say that I am blessed to stay home. Very blessed. All this made possible because, as Mark's parents very rightly say, we live in "God's economy.")

In case you were wondering how I'm staying sane today, I let Iain watch an episode of "maggot" (Inspector Gadget) so I could get the dishes washed without fear of him teaching himself pyrotechnics when I wasn't looking. He and Lydia are currently sequestered in their cribs, cooing happily, if not softly, at each other while I down my 3rd cup of coffee (you know it's been a day when it's a 3 cup day!).

Falling off the wagon...bump, bump, bump

So, like any diet or lifestyle change, as I'm hoping the case will be, I've fallen off the wagon of my routine. The house still looks O.K., the laundry is getting done a load at a time and the bills are being paid on an ongoing as-needed basis (in otherwords, as they arrive). However, the sheen is gone from the floor, the bathtub has sand in it from a family outing to the beach and the cobwebs are reportedly appearing in the family room windows.

So, like any good dieter, I am ignoring this state of affairs and am blogging while sipping coffee from a beautiful teacup. The tea set was recently given to me after being rescued by a close friend...it's a long story. Anyway, I found it on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Johnson-Brothers-Willow-Blue-Piece/dp/B000VIGF0A/ref=pd_bxgy_k_img_b

Nice, eh? It came to me in all it's original packaging, apparently never having seen the light of day. It's a beautiful blue pattern that goes well with our decor, but not that of my friend's, so she thought of me. Hurray! Not to mention, since I've been married I've wanted a tea set and have had my eyes peeled at Goodwill, particularly for a sugar bowl and creamer. Now I have a whole matching set! I feel like I'm 6 and I need to have a tea party with my dolls. Something tells me Iain and Lydia wouldn't make great tea company, yet. No dolls or truly 6-year-old Betsy's around, so I'm making do with my coffee. I feel so refined. :)

In other news, as you may have heard, "they" say that smell is the sense most strongly linked to memory (or something like that). Some of my favorite "cozy" smells come from my maternal Grandparents' home: coffee and soap. Coffee - check!, Soap - well, no, but I found the smell! - Bath and Body Works "Sea Island Cotton" line. I am addicted to their lotion. I have it sitting in front of me on the table, having just slathered it all over my slightly sun-burned legs (note to self: just because my mexican friend can bake in the sun doesn't mean my freckled self can do the same! - in case you're gasping in horror, I kept 80% of me in the shade and only my lower legs in the sun, hoping to rid myself of my legs' pasty whiteness...I know, I know, just because we're all going to die of cancer doesn't mean I need to pull out the welcome mat. I will be sticking with my sunblock regime from here on out.) Back to the point, Sea Island Cotton - I'm in love. It was also nice that the day we were at B&BW, they were having a sale on their little lotions 3/$10 and also handing out coupons for spend $10, get a large lotion free. Bonus! We must have looked ridiculous, running around with our noses in all sorts of smelly lotions. 4 different lotions and $10 later, we're a happy family. Me esp, with my beloved Sea Island Cotton. I also highly recommend "Japanese Cherry Blossom" for the special occasion. It smells like a date (uh, not the fruit, the get-all-dressed-up-and-go-out-with-your-guy kind). :)

Ah blog, you are a wonderful way to procrastinate. I am sad to say that I really must get back to work. The floors won't shine themselves (espcially now that Lydia's crawling and pulling herself up to stand!!! rather than rolling around). Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Random, for your enjoyment

Lydia, just before she learned to crawl. She now crawls like a pro and at long last she's getting her first tooth! (bottom left center).

Do I have the cutest kids, or what?! Here's my favorite red-head in the entire universe. Sometimes he's so grown-up and sometimes he's still my baby boy.
The past couple weeks have been a wonderful adventure of normal life. We did have 3 house guests for a wedding, recently, but other than that, it's been pretty low-key. I'm getting my head around this whole routine business in such a way that I actually find myself with extra time on my hands. For instance, while the kiddos are napping, I can blog! And last night, after they went to bed I sat in the backyard, sipped some Baileys and watched the stars come out. Blissfull, really.

By the way, for those of you that HATE making a bed as much as I do, I have one awesome word for you: D-U-V-E-T. It's a fantastic invention. I've never been a fan of sheets (fitted sheets being the exception, as I don't know where we'd be without those!), since they inevitably swaddle you in your sleep. I hate waking up finding myself entangled in bedclothes. Duvets solve that problem, as they are comforter and sheet in one. Yes, you have to remove the cover to wash it, but honestly, it's really not so hard to put them back on. And it's heavenly to sleep under. Now, to making the bed, as that was the point. ONE layer. You simply pull it to the 4 corners of the bed, plump the pillows and the bed is DONE....and a made bed really does make a psychological difference. Even I must admit that much.

First ever video upload

Daily Routine...what a notion!

A heartfelt "Thank You!" to all who replied to my post about schedules, etc. I feel like I have at least cracked the heretofore impenetrable fortress of un-ordered life. Rather than thank you each for your particular contributions, I'll give you a glimpse of where I've gotten to, and you might just see some of your suggestions mirrored in my skeletal daily outline:

7:30 - wake up, make coffee and breakfast

Prayer time alone in downstairs family room while Mark wrangles children upstairs as needed

Shower, if there's time

8:30 - "Shift change" report as Mark gets into work mode or leaves

Get kids dressed, fed, etc.

Quick kitchen clean up

9:30 - Morning Activity (play outside, library, hang out with other mom/kids, etc.)

10:30 - Lydia nap, Iain snack - if we're home

12 - Iain lunch

12:30 - Iain nap, Betsy lunch (Lydia nap or awake depending on morning nap)

Betsy's afternoon to-do time: laundry, cleaning, tidying, phone calls, (blogging)

2:00 - coffee break. Ahhhhhhhh! :)

3:00 - Iain awake (anywhere between 2:30 and 4 - yes, his naps can be crazy long, please don't hate me, though I can imagine that if I were you, I might struggle with that).

WOAH - pardon the interruption, but as you might recall, we live directly across the street from our church and parish school. Not infrequently, there is a police car (speed trap) in the church driveway directly across from our living room window. As I was writing the above, I thought that was what was going on, until I actually looked across the street and saw that there were 3 police cars (one unmarked) parked in the driveway followed shortly by a State Trooper Helicopter landing in the parking lot. Pretty impressive. I'm very sorry to say that Iain is sleeping and is missing the whole thing.

Thinking that I was witnessing something hugely dramatic, I waited eagerly to see what would happen next (yes, I realize that as "exciting" as it might be for those 2 minutes as something dramatic unfolded right in front of me, it would not be so exciting to realize that I live right across the street from such dramatic events.) Fortunately for me and more importantly, my dear children, it wasn't anything "dramatic" (ie, not a crime) but rather a school demonstration of some sort. I assume they didn't just deputize the mass of school children running eagerly towards the helicopter.

Back to my day...

4:30 - dinner prep, tidy, tell Iain 25x that he can't "wash dishes" right now, feed Lydia

6:00 - dinner time

After dinner - clean up kitchen, run dishwasher

Family prayer, husband/wife meeting (includes scheduling, "how are you doing" check-in, etc.), couples' group, family date night, (depends on the day)

8:30 - kiddos in bed

10:00 - Mark and I go to bed and watch one show online (this is my carrot to get me into bed b/c I'm naturally a night owl - funny thing is, as soon as I lay down I realize I'm exhausted and about 40% of the time I fall asleep before the show is over).

Confessions of a girly-girl wannabe

This is a post that I am writing in hopes that I may be of help to at least one other woman. If you are not a woman, don't have sisters or aren't married, you needn't read any further. And, if I am talking to you, sole woman in need of the following tip, I'd love to hear from you although I will understand if you don't want to publicly admit that I have helped you. Fortunately for you, I don't mind admitting that...

...For the greater part of my makeup wearing years, I've wondered how on earth to manage the fine peach fuzz hair on my face that always made me feel about as beautiful as a nicely decorated dusty fireplace mantle.

Before you go assuming embarrassing things about me - no, I am not growing a beard. I may have an errant hair or two that needs occasional plucking, but that's not what I'm talking about here. (If you are concerned about actual "beard" hairs in a quantity that is beyond the scope of tweezers, you may want to discuss this with your doctor/endocrinologist. I am afraid I can not help you.)

Back to the topic at hand. Here are my two tips for removing the peach fuzz that keeps you from feeling/looking your best:

1. Nair for Faces: http://www.naircare.com/products/products_facecream.aspx

2. Smooth Away: http://www.target.com/As-Seen-on-TV-Smooth/dp/B001ORBJVW

In my experience, and I assume that everyone is different, neither product works effectively on its own. However, paired together, used on different days they produce exfoliated, hairless facial beauty.

Day 1: After a shower, when your face is still all nice and moist (without any product on it) apply Nair cream to face, wherever you wish to remove fuzz - chin, upper lip, cheeks.

You may want to do this at a time when no one will see you, or lock yourself in the bathroom, esp. if you have small children who won't understand mommy's cream beard, or housemates who will laugh at you.

Leave this on for somewhere around 3 minutes. Then GENTLY wipe off it with a wet washcloth. Don't worry about any 1/2-removed fuzz that remains. That will come off tomorrow. Be gentle with your skin, apply some moisturizer and be on your way. If you happen to over-do it and end up with a red "sunburned" area, please a) remember this for next time and be more careful and b) wait for this to heal for a week or so and start over.

Day 2: Pull out your handy-dandy Smooth Away buffer thingy - I use both sizes on my face, depending on what area I'm focusing on. GENTLY buff in circles around your face. Again, I stress, GENTLY. Trust me, it doesn't take any pressure to remove whatever is left after yesterday's Nair and if it does, you need to use tweezers. If you apply pressure, you will exfoliate too many layers of wonderfully healthy skin and give yourself a skin burn. Ouch and not pretty!

Follow-up by splashing some water on your face to remove all the debri (even if you can't see it, it's there and needs to be rinsed away so it doesn't settle in your pores). Pat your face dry, moisturize and be on your way (apply makeup, whatever).

The end result is beautiful, hairless baby-soft smooth skin that looks so beautiful, you won't even want to use that foundation anymore. If you're married, carry your face over to your husband for a little "check this out." If he's not thrilled, well, sorry about that, you're stuck with him. ;)

Every couple of days, I notice that my skin needs a little exfoliation rehabilitation to return it to it's beautiful fuzzless baby-soft smooth state. So, here's what to do...

Maintenance: Take 2 minutes and pull out that Smooth Away buffer thingy. GENTLY buff in circles around your face. Seriously ladies, this takes about 30 seconds to 1 minute, max. That minute of your time every couple of days saves you from needing to apply Nair, which saves you time and money. Bonus! :) If you "fall off the wagon" and let your face go back to its, uh, natural state, simply apply the Nair, followed by buffing the next day and, Ta-Da, you're back to beautiful!

The end. Hope that was helpful for someone out there.

Garage Sale Bliss

O.M.G.

No, I haven't reverted back to middle school (though in my day, that phrase didn't yet exist).

Rather, that's how my email to Angelique started, because, let's just be honest, that's about all I could manage to type as the shock/awe settled in. I was emailing her to ask if she'd like to join me for the city-wide 88 home garage sale event in a town 20 minutes south of us. This was 1 day after I mentioned that I would keep my internet eyes peeled for upcoming garage sales, having no idea that such a windfall was just days away.

Yes folks, 88 homes, with a map and brief description of what they're selling.

We were out for a few hours today, kids and all. She and I both found some awesome deals.

I came away spending a grand total of $13.60 and got the following:

- a Lawn spreader = 50 cents!!!!!!!! - yes, it's dirty and a bit rusty, but it'll do just fine!

- a Teach And Talk Laptop for Iain (works, batteries thrown in to prove it) = $3

- a toy cowboy hat = 10 cents

- 3 sleepers for Lydia = 50, 50 and 75 cents

- A sun hat for Lydia = 25 cents

- 2 brand new pairs of tights for Lydia = 50 cents each

- a summer top for Lydia = 50 cents

- a new-in-the-package potty/step stool = $5

- Once Upon a Potty book for Iain = $1

- 2 Corduroy books = 25 cents each

I didn't find the sacred cow - a wheelbarrow - but I don't doubt I'll stumble across it sooner or later. And hey, 50 cents for a lawn spreader is enough to make me blink back happy tears.

Nearly Pentecost!

"The Church has endeavored to help us experience Easter as the feast of feasts, as the basic reason for all celebration and all joy, by causing the Easter octave to last for seven times seven days. So the feast of Pentecost on the fiftieth day after Easter is not in fact an entirely new feast; it rounds off the circle of the seven times seven days, which signify our breaking out of subservience to time into the boundless joy of the children of God" (Joseph Ratzinger, Seek That Which is Above).

As an aside, I LOVE this little book. It's short chapters of reflections for the church year speak to me every time I read it!

I've mentioned before how I appreciate that I live in a climate where even the weather reflects our Lenten journey - the slush, mud, leafless trees and dead grass all help me enter into the Lenten experience. It a very real way, it is a fast of the senses.

How beautiful too, that the feast of Easter and it's glorious 50 day celebration has (at least this year) taken us through the journey of Spring green, flowers, sunshine - everything in nature that is new life. I was sitting in the sun yesterday, just basking in the glory of God's creation and the blessing that is all that God has given us in this house and property. It is all so beautiful and I am so deeply humbled and thankful for it.

Haiku Nights

Insomnia, you

had me at "hello." "Goodnight,"

drifts beyond my reach.

Self-medicating

cotton candy sugar crash

sure to help me sleep.

It's hardly fair. When

all day I dream of sleeping.

Now I can, but can't.

HELP

4.5 years of marriage and 2 kids later, I'm coming to the end of my rope trying to reinvent a wheel when I know so many of you have the directions down pat. So, I welcome and actively implore your lengthy comments about the following (any or all):

1. What does your daily/weekly schedule look like?

2. How do you manage to get routine housework/prayer/etc. done when your children (esp. small ones) need you NOW...all the time.

3. How do you balance restorative and productive time (ie, breaks in your work during the day).

4. When and how do you have time and energy for anything crafty when you have children and housework and meals and, well, etc.

5. Just out of curiosity: what time do you put the kids to bed? What time do you go to bed? What time do you get up? and how on earth do you ever feel rested? - do you ever feel rested?

6. Do you plan your meals in advance? If so, is it just dinner, or all meals?

Please! Whether I know you personally or not, please please please leave me ridiculously long comments. I'm just trying to get an idea of how to make this whole mom/wife/homemaker/me thing work and I sure would love a glimpse into how some of you manage it (or don't, if that's the case.) :)

Now I have to go because Lydia is trying to eat something off the kitchen floor. yuck.

Preach it! (aka, great post)

http://ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com/2010/05/respectable.html

Just pictures

Winnie The Pooh, aka...

Iain has a new favorite video, Winnie The Pooh, which he has seen about 4 times through in the last 24 hours. As you may have guessed, I've gone downhill, again. :( Anyway, for your enjoyment, here are the characters, from the mouth of Iain:

Christopher Robin: Kahmis Wobin, Thomas Wobin, and occasionally just Wobin

Pooh: Sa-poo (yes, as in shampoo)

Piglet: Pig

Little Roo: Baby Mouse

Tigger: Diggoh

Iain calls the video Kahmis Wobin/Thomas Wobin

Redemptive suffering & my husband, my hero

As for the first, this illness has really kicked my butt. I am no good at suffering. I can "offer it up" for about 2 minutes, as I try with all my might to stop focusing on how completely miserable I feel and pray for the grace to suffer well and pray for those in need of prayer. I have about as long as that thought takes until I'm right back to self-pitying misery. "Offering it up" only seems feasible AFTER the meds have kicked in. I may not feel like myself, in fact I may feel like a drugged, dizzy, exhausted, water-logged version of someone similar to me, but at least I'm not in pain. So now I can "offer it up." Really impressive, I know.

On Friday I was on the upswing and I was looking forward to Saturday when I was sure I would feel even a bit better. Much to my chagrin, Saturday found me downhill, again. This time it was fever/aches/chills, sinus pain/pressure and ear pain that went from bad to worse through the day. I went to urgent care in the morning and was told I had a sinus infection (no surprise there as my kleenexes all looked like they'd been used to wipe up a hot-dog condiment station,) and fluid in my right ear, but no infection. So, finally, I was put on antibiotics. I was told that if I still feel like this in 10 days, I'm to refill the perscription, and in 20 days if I still feel awful, to go see my doctor. Great. Well, lets hope for the best and not a 20-day marathon of "offering it up" practice!

As for the fever and pain, extra-strength Tylenol and Sudafed have done the trick. (Sometimes I wonder how I made it through nursing school. I'd been avoiding Sudafed, like an idiot, b/c I'm nursing Lydia and didn't want to affect my milk supply, and couldn't think straight enough to realize that it would decrease the pressure as well as dry up the congestion). Mark was rightfully shocked to discover that I hadn't tried it yet. Well, needless to say, it worked. So, I still have all my symptoms, but very little actual pain, Praise the Lord! I am sooo thankful for modern medicine!

God must be dumping Niagara Falls amounts of grace on Mark because he's been A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He's taken care of the kids, cleaned, cooked, worked really hard on a 30+ page strategic plan for work, run errands for me, and that's just in the last 24 hours! I am very humbled by this man I am so blessed to call my husband!

One last humorous story to wrap up this post. If you know me, you know that I'm a big dork. If you had any doubts (in which case, you must not know me), I'll give you an example. Yesterday, as I was feeling miserable and listening to Lydia wake up from her nap, it suddenly dawned on me that it was Saturday. That meant that the Menards flier would be sitting in our mailbox, waiting for me. Yes folks, I love Saturdays and the Menards flier that it always brings me. Did I mention....dork!? :) Well, I opened the door to get the mail, and a package fell at my feet. It was a care package from my mom! That's much more exciting than a Menards flier! It was mostly full of things for the kiddos; bath toys, clothes (including a pair of blue crocs for Iain that match his Daddy's! and, incidentally, the very dress I saw at the store and wanted to get for Lydia, but couldn't justify spending anything then...thanks, mom!!!!) and chocolates for the grown-ups; yum!!!...well, yum in a few days. Right now they would taste about as good as glue. Mark's been enjoying them for both of us. Thanks, Mom! :) Oh, and the Menards flier wasn't all that interesting this week...or maybe it was just outdone.

On the other side, I hope

Thank you all for your prayers! Today I feel like I have a bad cold, but I no longer feel "horrid". I'd say my "ugh" is about a 3 today. Vast improvement, if you ask me!

I did go to see my Dr. yesterday, and took Lydia with me, for good measure. She was pulling on her ears just as I was about to leave, so I figured it would be good to get them checked. The good news is that neither she nor I have any infection. The kinda gross news is that I had a large-pea-sized piece of hardened wax in my right ear that was apparently the cause of my discomfort combined with the increased pressure in my middle ear due to congestion. The nurse was able to flush most of the wax out until my ear started bleeding a bit. Lovely. Well, at least now there's a good reason for my ear to be sore. Additionally, this morning my right ear finally "popped" releasing a lot of the built up pressure.

Last night was a gross marathon of sweating. I'm guessing my body was giving the final boot to the virus, but I had no idea a person could sweat so profusely for so long. I ended up sleeping on top of my bathrobe because the bed was wet and cold (gross, I know!)

I guess the positive out of all of this is that when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, the person staring back at me more closely resembled what I looked like when I got married, than I've seen in years - esp. since having kids. Sickness is great for weight loss! I'm doubting it'll keep, esp. the water weight loss from last night, but hey, when I'm not feeling 100%, a little boost for my ego isn't such a bad thing! :)

Thanks again for all your prayers. And a H-U-G-E THANK YOU to my amazing husband, Mark, who has been nothing less than saintly during the past few days. I knew I married an amazing man, but, well, wow! :)

On a scale from one to ten...

...with one being the least "ugh" and ten being the most "ugh" ever, how would your rate your "ugh"?

About an 8. At this point, I'm pretty sure I have the swine flu. If it's not that, it must be a close relative of that or the plague. Either way, I feel like poo.

I'm sure it could be worse. Like I've been optimistically telling people, I don't have a headache!

These are my symptoms, in random order:

-Fever

-Chills

-Streaming/stuffy nose - starting to turn shades of pink

-Occasional productive cough

-Throat so sore it literally hurts like the dickens to even whisper

-Over-salivation leading to nausea and increased throat pain

-Double ear ache

-Threats of intestinal issues, though only minor so far

And as far as I can tell, Ibuprofen, which works like a miracle drug for my kiddos, does absolutely nothing for me. I finally gave up and tried Tylenol, 2 nights ago, and my fever finally broke...until the tylenol wore off, but at least I had some momentary relief from chills.

Now I'm on a Tylenol/Ibuprofen rotation, only because I'm nearly out of Tylenol and I'm trying to make it last longer. ...I know, I could just ask Mark to buy some more, but that never occurs to me when he calls to ask if he can pick up anything. No, no, I only think of the practicals like throat-numbing spray, popsicles and diet 7-up.

So, here I am, day 3 of feeling like my body is dissolving and I can't decide whether or not to be seen.

I know there's very little/nothing a doctor can do for a virus and I'm assuming that's what I have. However, I'm concerned that I'm also developing a sinus infection and 1 or 2 ear infections. These obviously are a little beyond my home-remedies. Yes, I already used my neti pot - my sinuses are so congested that it all ran down my throat and I'm not exactly a neti pot amateur. I also tried ginger juice in my ears for the ear ache which was supposed to bring immediate relief and be an anti-inflammatory as well. This turned out to be a practice I DON'T recommend. The "soothing heat" that they talked about felt more a burning coal in my ear canals. Reason #10000 why home remedies should never be practiced on children before you try them out yourself! Maybe if I had a killer ear ache the burning heat feeling would be a nice distraction from the ear ache - kind of like the idea that if you have a headache you should pinch your hand between your thumb and first finger. Apparently it hurts enough prompt your body to release some natural pain killer. Nice, eh? I'll try OTC meds, thank you very much.

So, time, gas, bills, is it all worth it if I'm going to be better tomorrow? But what if I'm not? And do I go to my Doctor who is farther away and more expensive for us, or do I go to urgent care which is local, wouldn't cost us a dime and has a pharmacy on site.

Ok, now that you all now how absolutely horrid I feel, I should get going and attend to my poor children. Well, Iain's having a blast with us all hanging out in his room while he plays with his toys, but Lydia has clearly reached her limit.

Oh, I'm also supposed to be asking A/C companies to come by to give us estimates. We have one, but would like a couple more to compare. The sale for the first company ends tomorrow, so it's a bit of an issue here. I can only imagine how those phone calls might go:

Betsy: calls A/C company

A/C: Hello?

Betsy: silence

A/C: Hellllo?

Betsy: (trying to whisper into the phone at an audible level)

...is able to communicate request for estimate

A/C: I'm sorry, we have a policy against sending our personnel into viral bomb zones. Thanks for thinking of us!

So, what to do? I do feel somewhat responsible for the health and safety of those entering our home, but at the same time, I want to save $600. Oh money and viruses, how I dislike you both!

Where to begin?

-Kate visited for a week and a half. It was wonderful. We look forward to her return in July!

-We finished our renovation of the downstairs office and now have a fully carpeted guestroom/office complete with twin/king bed options and adjoining bathroom. Sweet deal, when are you coming for a visit?

-Iain had his first official case of diarrhea complete with scary lethargic colorlessness which prompted a visit to Urgent Care. He was fine after administration of a popsicle.

-Iain had further allergy testing done. We can now add soy, cats and tree pollen to the allergic-to list as well as needing to avoid ALL egg-containing products including baked goods. Booo. Poor Iain!

-Mark's parents arrived for a week-long, er, two week long visit. Thank you Volcano Euoilipoiqiuzbdiopaus (note: not correct spelling). It was truly wonderful to have them here for that bonus time!

-I had my last CT scan and at 5 years out from cancer treatment, am as close to officially cured as I can be. Cancer Free, Praise the Lord!

-Iain came down with Croup which prompted another visit to Urgent Care to make sure that was what it was. He looked ridiculously cute in his purple hospital gown with his diapered behind poking out the back of the gown. A dose of oral steroids and a popsicle later and we were home again. (Note: Yes, I am aware that popsicles can be purchased "over the counter").

-Shockingly, Lydia now has Croup. Knowing that this is indeed what it is, there has been no Urgent Care visit, just lots of Ibuprofen and some steamy bathroom visits.

-Can adults get Croup? If so, I think I feel it coming on. A quick Google search made it sound less than rosy for adults, but what else could this pain in my upper throat and kinda woozy head be?

-I'm addicted to lawn edging. My new-found passion has given me bursitis in every joint in both hands except the distal joint on my index fingers. Fortunately, said edging is nearing completion. I also have a new-found compassion for arthritis sufferers.

-Mark's Feast Day is this Sunday and I'm in the midst of making the traditional Archibald Fruit Cake. I also have to make my own marzipan for the first time because my supplier, World Market, folded along with everyone else, last year. I hope it turns out ok. I told Mark I'd attempt a lion as a decoration because St Mark is oft depicted as one and "Iain likes them. Why that's relevant is beyond me, but Mark tried to talk me into baseballs as decorations "for Iain" and I nixed that unholy idea. Back to the lion, I warned Mark that my attempt might end up looking more like Daisy, the ugly beast of a pot bellied pig who lives down the street, (and whose aroma wafts towards unsuspecting passers-by on hot windy summer days. blech.)

-My German language education has corrupted my correct English sentence construction (or perhaps that's just my excuse). I can't seem to remember the rule about capitalization of nouns. I know there's something about only capitalizing names and proper nouns, but what counts as proper gets all muddled in my head. Perhaps I'll ask my mom; she's sure to know. For now, nouns seem to make their way into my writing capitalized at inappropriate intervals according to some mash-mash of German/English/Betsy rules. I am aware of this and hopelessly unable to stop it. Feel free to add your corrections in the comments section. Perhaps if I get enough of them, the correct English rules will be restored to their rightful place in my brain.